“You deserve someone better than me”
“Things are just not working out between us”
“I am not happy”
“I don’t think I want to have a relationship with you, let’s just stay as good friend”
“I no longer have the same feeling towards you as you have towards me”
“I can’t continue this relationship cause I still love my ex and I can’t seem to get over him and I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I am already doing so it’s best if we end it before it’s too late”
Today I wanted to discuss about the stages of breakup that’s really close to me because I’ve been there as I’m sure a lot of you have and that is about the despair that people find themselves when they are going through a breakup or are faced with the reality that they might have to move on from somebody that they love.
For a lot of people, that can be some of the lowest points in their life and they don’t see a way out.
I know in my personal experience at that time I was in a state of total shock because I never even saw it coming.
I didn’t see how I would be able to get over the man that I was in love with at the time.
Good news is that I did so. We’re all there but I want to provide you with my professional experience on what you can do to overcome this despair and help yourself, it would possibly help a loved one, a family member, a friend who found themselves in this situation.
Let’s us start with the 6 stages of breakup which are very hard for one to deal with a breakup. There is a lot of pain, regret and sorrow that settles down inside a person during these stages.
First stage of any breakup is the grieving and depression phase
This is a stage where you cry a lot and even drunk text your ex.
You think about all the things that went wrong, you think about all the things that you could have done better, why the person left you.
During the stage you shut yourself off from the world for days, still hoping that maybe if you go sleep when you wake up you will find it was a nightmare.
And, you really don’t want to do anything besides curling up in bed, watching some Netflix, watching K-dramas, watching anime or just order a shit ton of food and drinking a lot by drowning your sorrows into foods and liquors.
This is the stage we thought your whole world is going upside down, it might sound a little overdramatic but it really does feel like that, doesn’t it?
All that time you spent with that one person and they’re not there anymore, so you have so much free time you don’t know what to do with it.
You’re so used to texting that person whenever something good and bad happens to you. Whenever you get good or bad news you just text that person but they’re not there anymore, so what do you do and every single time that happens you feel as if someone is ripping the heart of your chest and the pain is unbearable.
Second stage of any breakup is the complete denial and fake confidence
This is the phase where you can’t believe this is happening, it’s not real, they will be back, it’s only a heat of the moment decision.
You kept telling youself if they left me that’s their loss. I’m gonna do me better than they’re doing them.
You only make all this and hype yourself up but you’re like yeah like I have so much free time now like this is a good thing like I could be more productive I can do whatever I want now, like I don’t need them in my life. I’m gonna get so many things accomplished.
And then one day later you hear a doorbell, you go see who it is. So you open the door and there it is where you realize that it actually did happen and they are gone. You turn off faith and you just slowly seep back into the depression and grieve stage.
So right now you start off at the depression and grieve stage then you go to the fake confidence phase and then you go back into the grieving stage
The third stage is the reckless and angry stage
You see when you go back into the grieving stage after having a fake confidence, you start going mad, you start getting angry, you start thinking that you want revenge and this is why this is called the reckless stage and it’s the most dangerous stage because you do things based on emotional and things on impulse.
You want to get revenge and you’re angry at the person.
This is a stage where you think that if you go out and get a rebound, you’ll be better off. You think that you go out and get a rebound it’ll make you stop thinking about that person.
This is the stage where you think it’s a good idea to go out and make a bunch of things which will make you regret later.
This is the stage where you go out and go party 24/7.
This is the stage where you go out and drink your ass.
This is a stage where you just go out and hook up anybody because you don’t want to think about that person anymore.
We wanted to stop this stage as it’s very scary and very self-destructive.
The crazy thing about this stage is that it doesn’t get you anywhere. You will soon realize that after the stage you go back to the depression and grieving stage, you realize that getting a rebound is not gonna help.
You realize going out to party 24/7 and drinking and talking with your friends and hanging out with friends every single day at night it doesn’t help.
When you get back home at like 12 o’clock or 1 o’clock or 2 o’clock because you’re still gonna be alone and during that time that you’re awake you’re gonna be thinking about that person even more which brings me to my next phase motivational and realization phase.
The fourth stage is the motivational and realization stage
The next stage is actually the first step towards you know getting better being ok after all the previous stages
This is a stage where you realize that the person that you’re with is gone.
You start to thin k about all the things that you can better yourself. You start to think that you need to work on yourself, need to either work out, to get in better shape, get a job.
You know you need do something that you really want to accomplish. You motivate yourself.
All that time that you spent with that one person, you’re investing your time with that one person, always texting that one person, always talking, always skyping and always hanging out with that person. Use all that time to focus on whatever you want to accomplish
You realize that either one you’re worth it or two you will be worth it
The fifth stage is the action stage
The next phase is the hardest part- the Action Stage
This is the phase that you actually have to put in work.
This is the phase where you implement your motivations, your motives, what do you want to achieve.
This is a hard stage because majority of people are lazy people who like to give up because it’s easier.
Iit’s more comfortable, it’s more safe and they’re scared that if they go out and try anything new that it might end up just like their relationship as a failure, that’s why this stage is the hardest part, that’s why this stage is where you make it or break it either a give up and go back to your depression stage and start all over or being you work your ass off and get your life back on track
This is the stage where you create a better life for your so when you create a better version of yourself and if you could get past all these stages, you end up at the last phase which is the last stage- I am ready to move on
The sixth and last stage is the I am ready to move on stage
This is the stage you realize that whatever it is that you accomplish, you know through anger, through vengeance, through sadness, through love, through jealousy, through and all those emotions that you have toward the other person, they won’t care.
Now you look around and you see that you’re still intact.
You see that you’re doing better, or your life is going in a better direction because of all the things that you’ve done, because of all the things that you accomplished.
You know whether you’ve got a great body now, whether you got a great job now, whether you accomplished or whatever you want to accomplish, your life is in a better position than it was before.
You realize that you don’t need this person in your life, you realize that you stopped thinking about this person already.
This is a stage where you look around and you smile and you take a deep breath and you finally say that I’m fine now, I’m over that person.
My life is better now and I can finally move on with my life.
The above are the six stages of a breakup.
However, if you fail to survive the Fifth Stage- The Action Stage
Unfortunately, after a while, you still realize you can’t live without your ex and you’re still very much attached to your ex.
You start to hate people who tell you there’s plenty of other fish in the sea – because you know you only want THAT fish.
That is the moment you decide that you still want to get back together with your ex, but not just any way. Where possible, you want to rekindle the sparks of love that was the foundation of such a beautiful relationship.
Next time we’ll look at why it’s important to consider the reasons you broke up with your ex and how that can help you rekindle the relationship with your ex. (Read: How to get ex boyfriend back and Stop wondering how to get your ex girlfriend back)