One of the greatest pleasures in this world is having a significant other. Sometimes these relationships do not last. One or both people from the relationship may wish to try to fix things and try again.
Before you decide to do this you should take the time to read this post on Everything You Need To Know About Getting Your Ex Back.
1. Getting your ex back probably won’t be easy
Here is the truth that you may not be ready to hear, but one you must find in yourself to accept: getting your ex back probably won’t be easy. Regardless of the cause of your breakup, how you act when trying to reconcile will affect your chances of getting back together.
Two people make a relationship.
But at the end of the day, the people around you will have an impact on how you and your partner get along. Don’t expect it to be any different when the relationship is over.
If you want to get your ex back, the numerous factors that you will have to consider will definitely include the people close to you and your ex.
Another common misconception about relationship problems and reconciliations has to do with one’s gender.
Getting back with your ex won’t be any easier just because you’re a guy or a girl. If anything, being aware of the strengths of your own gender can actually increase your chances of reconciling – but that’s for a later discussion.
Now, you’re probably feeling down and thinking, “Why have you been hearing about all the challenges of reconciliation so far?”
Don’t worry– there’s a method to this madness. It is simply to make it clear that getting back with your ex won’t be a piece of cake.
However, not all hope is lost! In fact, you have every chance in the world to get your former partner back.
You may have been advised to follow your heart if you wish to have the person you love back at your side. While that’s certainly good advice, it is not all you should do. At the end of the day, you need to think of reconciliation as a goal.
If you have a goal, then the next thing you need is a strategy.
That means planning, considering the pros and cons, and carefully weighing your options.
Timing is also essential as well as being aware of the proven dos and don’ts for getting your ex back.
In other words, a constructive and positive attitude is also necessary for getting your ex back.
If you are going to insist on being stubborn and egoistic about what you should and should not do to reconcile with your former partner, then it won’t be a help to you at all. In fact, no one and nothing can be of help to you because you don’t want to be helped.
Before you start on this journey, here are three critical questions that you must ask yourself.
- Do you still love your ex?
- Are you willing to keep an open mind about what you must and must not do or say to get your ex back?
- Do you believe in yourself –and in your ability to get your ex back?
If you answer yes to all of the questions above then you’re in the best position to get your ex back – and it starts the very moment you turn to the next section.
2. What Caused The Break Up
Cause and effect is one of the most commonly used methods for solving problems. Certainly, breakups are no exception.
No matter what kind of problem you’re dealing with, identifying its nature is always the best first step to take.
In the case of your breakup, you should start by determining its cause. You may want to try writing it down for future reference.
Factors To Consider When Determining The Cause Of A Breakup
Granted, that subheading sounds more like a section title for a thesis paper, but that’s actually a good thing.
Dissecting a failed relationship is a painful process, but you need to find a way to move on from what happened – to see the bigger picture and learn from your mistakes in order to get your ex back…for good.
This is the make-or-break factor when determining the cause of a break up.
When emotions are running high and you’re too close to the situation, it’s hard to be honest and objective about what really happened.
Keep in mind that understanding what made you and your partner break up does not mean you have to play the blame game.
It’s not that at all. It’s not about determining who was wrong. Rather, being honest about the true and real cause of your breakup means thinking about what you can do better the second time around.
Of course, it takes two to tango, so obviously what your partner can do to make you a stronger couple will also come up.
You need to be honest about which role your partner will be taking, but – again – remember to put a positive spin on things.
Right: You will spend more time with your partner to show that you care.
Wrong: You will spend less time working to focus on your partner. Although both may essentially mean the same thing, how you look at your goal and strategy can make things look rosier for you and your ex. And naturally, the same rules also apply to your ex.
Right: Your partner will be more sensitive about your feelings.
Wrong: Your partner will refrain from treating you with disrespect. Simply put, you can be honest while being tactful at the same time. Allow each other to read between the lines and avoid saying hurtful things when discussing or considering the cause of your breakup.
Breakups are not always the result of a mutual decision. At times, it’s entirely one-sided.
If you were the one left hanging and clueless after the breakup, then you need to find closure first.
If you are lucky, your ex shall willingly help you find closure.
If not, there are two things you can do: you can try coming up with the reason behind the breakup on your own – or you can just let it go.
Either way, it’s best not to make any negative assumptions about your ex. That’s definitely not a good place to start if it’s reconciliation you are after.
3. Figure Out If You Truly Want Your Ex Back
Do you remember one of the three essential questions that you asked yourself at the start of this post?
Do you still love your ex? You’re probably thinking that if you answer yes to that question it means you get to skip this section. But actually, that’s not the case at all.
Although relationships are one of the grayer areas of life, that’s not to say there are no right and wrong reasons for getting your ex back.
Time To Think
Some relationships are destined to last and be better the second or third time around. However, there are also relationships which are doomed from the start or are best left and forgotten in the past.
Until this point in time, you get to figure out if your reasons for wanting to reconcile shall help – or hurt – your chances of getting your ex back.
You Still Love Your Ex
Thats probably the best reason to try getting your ex back.
In fact, the outcome is just secondary. What matters right now is that you gave it your best shot.
If it still doesn’t work out in the end, you would have at least saved yourself from tormenting yourself with numerous what- if questions about what more you could have done to have your former partner back in your life.
You Are Guilty About The Past
Guilt can be just as strong of a motivator as love can, but it is not a good reason to get your ex back.
If the love is not there, then you just need to learn to live with the guilt until time and forgiveness causes it to fade.
Reconciling with a former flame out of guilt will only result in more heartbreak.
You Want To Try Again
It might not be the best reason to get your ex back, but it is not a bad reason either.
Love may not be present for one or both sides, but that does not mean you can’t fall in love with each other on the second try.
If this is your reason for wanting to get back with your ex, just make sure that you do not offer any false promises about your desire for reconciling.
Lies will only muddy the waters between you and your ex, not to mention the fact that dishonesty never makes a reliable foundation for any relationship.
You Are Guilty About The Present
You did nothing wrong when you broke up.
However, you heard about how your ex is faring badly at present, and this makes you feel guilty.
That’s understandable, but it’s not a good enough reason to get back with your ex. You need to dig deeper and find out if it is just companionship, an apology, or truly another shot at love that you want to offer.
You Are Lonely
It may not be the worst reason to get your ex back, but it’s certainly one of the worse.
Seeking the company of your ex out of loneliness would be a selfish act on your part. Reconciling may be a blessing for you, but what about your ex?
Do you think it will make your ex feel good if he or she learns the real reason why you wanted to get back together?
You could have many other reasons, and not all of them may be valid. At the end of the day, you need to listen to both your heart and mind.
Is getting your ex back truly the right thing to do, and is it something you truly want?
4. Don’t Beg
The last time that begging and pestering successfully worked in your favor was most probably with your loving parents, and of course, you had to be really young then.
When you grew older, your parents became immune to your begging antics, not to mention that they had already mastered the art of saying ‘no’ to you.
Begging Will Get You Nowhere
The thought of begging never again crossed your mind until the day you broke up with your ex; you let go of your pride and went groveling hoping that she would have pity on you and take you back.
Begging only creates problems for the both of you in the future and it is better to give up while you are still ahead and is considered to be the bane of all reconciliations.
Your Ex will Think Of You As A Charity Case
In layman’s language, begging is defined as asking for something as a favor or a gift; a good hint as to why begging is one of the worst ways of getting your ex back.
Why would you want your ex to do you the favor of taking you back; it makes you look like a pathetic charity case.
If you do succeed and your ex does take you back, they will only be doing so because they either feels sorry for you or because you made them feel guilty.
A relationship based on such a shaky foundation is not bound to last and neither of you will appreciate the fact that you both feel obligated to be with each other; in the long run you will both feel like casualties of the unhealthy relationship.
You Will Always Question Your Partner’s Motives For Taking You Back
After your ex gives in to your pestering, you will always ask yourself why they took you back whether they did it because they care for you and that they cannot picture their life without you or if they did it out of guilt and pity.
A person’s confidence can only take so much bruising from pondering on such damaging thoughts and feelings.
You will never respect or hold your ex in high regard again if you happen to suspect that they took you back out of sheer guilt and pity.
It is only logical that you will no longer feel attracted to each other as before especially if you feel that your ex’s feelings for you are not sincere.
You Both Feel Weak And Manipulated
Begging is a sign of weakness for all parties involved; first, you are weak for resorting to begging to win your ex back, secondly, your ex is also weak for accepting to take you back.
A strong relationship is built by two equally strong people, never a pair of weaklings.
Once your relationship is built on a weak foundation, there is no chance that it will stand the test of time, and when it crumbles, it is difficult to piece it back together again.
Making up a second time is usually a feat in itself, a third time is clearly a death sentence for your relationship.
The Foolproof Solution
Now that it has been established that pestering and begging will never be a lasting solution to getting your ex back, you have to take another effective approach to fulfilling you goal.
First, you should exude confidence by staying strong, showing your ex what they have been missing since the two of you broke up.
Show them that you are indeed worthy of a second chance and that you are mature enough for a new relationship with them.
Give your ex some space and when they feel ready to start something new, take control by delivering on their needs and expectations.
Confidence and strength shows that you are proactive and that you have taken control of your destiny, not to mention that it makes you look more attractive.
Begging is a sign of weakness and by doing the opposite, you remind your ex of the attributes that made them fall in love with you in the first place; your revitalized relationship will be more meaningful and more real than before.
5. Don’t Play Games
Get your ex back with these simple yet effective tips.
It’s never easy when you lose your loved one, especially when you have been together for a very long time.
If this has just happened, you may end up looking for another that could serve as the cover or you might do everything in your power to get your loved one back as soon as possible.
In case you are the one that wants to have your loved one back, then this post shall aide you in your quest to get your ex back.
In the event that you and your partner are just like everybody else – fooling around and playing games – then it’s no surprise that you separated.
This is a really common experience for many today – a guy having multiple girlfriends and vice versa. Studies have shown that when couples engage in this kind of relationship they will not last together for long.
Don’t Play Games
Now if you want to have a second chance out of the relationship you had with your ex, you must make sure that you do not play games anymore.
Also, if you discover that your ex is playing games with you, then control the situation and don’t let the situation get over your head.
This is one good way of ensuring that you win her love and affection for the second time around. It is truly not as easy as it seems but if you have determination then you will get through it easily.
Sincerity And Honesty
One vital key to progress to the next level of your relationship is to show sincerity and honesty with what you are doing and with what you are saying.
By doing this, you will be showing her that you want to get him/her back as soon as possible as well as showing them that you are the best lover that he/she has had.
Jealousy is one game that is mostly played by couples across the world; here one party will try to get the other party jealous by flirting with other people.
This might sound fun but as you go along with the flow, you will find that you can never win the love and affection of your ex if you are constantly playing games to draw her to you.
Another famous result of this game is that your ex would likewise look for someone to flirt with to make you jealous and in the long run, you might end up losing your love and care for one another.
Effort And Commitment To The Cause
Effort and commitment are two things that can never dispense from you if you are really planning to win back the heart of your ex.
There is a good chance that your ex left you because maybe he/she saw some insufficiency on your part. If this is the case, then you will have to step up to the plate and show your ex that you are committed.
Therefore, you should take the necessary measures to show her the effort and commitment that you can do to satisfy your ex’s wants and needs.
6. Don’t Say You’ve Changed Show It
Break ups are one of the most difficult things you’ll experience in life. The pain you will feel will be unbearable to the point where the emotional pain feels like it’s becoming physical. Your heart will hurt in a way where it seems like everything in your world will crumble.
We have all gone through this at least once in our lives and though time really does heal all wounds, the experience of a heart break will always somehow scar you for life.
There’s a reason as to why relationships end. It can never just be because there’s no more love and that the happiness is gone. Something is not working out. It could be numerous fights and arguments, promises being broken, continuous nagging, lying, lack of respect etc.
The physical and emotional needs of both people in a relationship needs to be met in order for things to work out, otherwise it will all go downhill from there.
- But what if you’re the one in the relationship who got dumped? What if you didn’t even see it coming?
- What if you are still in love with your ex-partner?
- What if you were not aware of how unhappy he/she was in the relationship because of the things you did? What if you hurt him/her continuously?
- What if all you want is from him/her to take you back?
So Many What If’s.
When it comes to getting your ex back the important thing to think of first is “What went wrong?” Sometimes it is hard to admit that it might be because of the things you did wrong that ended the relationship.
The next thing to do is accept that you’ve done wrong and apologize. Before approaching your ex to ask him/her to come back, you must first confront your own monsters.
Did you lie during the relationship? Did you cheat? Were you abusive? Did you not give them the respect they deserved? Are you willing to change all that to save your relationship? It’s too easy to say “I’m sorry.” and sure, you mean it but it’s more to ask for forgiveness.
Saying you’re sorry is one thing but proving it is another. While it is admirable to show your ex that you’ve changed, you must first prove it to yourself. Your ex will sense if you are being genuine or not.
Try to dig deep as to why you have done the bad things in the past that have caused the relationship to end. Why did you lie or cheat or become abusive?
Once you’ve found the answer to that, work on yourself. If you are not happy with yourself, then you can’t fully be happy in a relationship.
Once you’ve dealt with your own issues, then that’s when you can confidently ask for your ex to give you another chance. Show him/her that you’re no longer going to do the things that brought about the break up.
Actions Always Speak Louder Than Words.
Follow through with all the promises you’ll make . People tend to change for only a short time then go back to their old ways. This would only cause another future break up.
7. The Art Of Apologizing
There are a lot of jokes that people make about their exes but it is worthy to note that these jokes are half meant.
Indeed there are many individuals that point at each other as well as outside ‘forces’ that break up their relationships. However, these jokes and external ‘forces’ should never be an excuse to break up them with their partners in life, not to mention the persons they love the most.
Making The Perfect Apology For You To Win Your Ex Back
Initially, when lovers break up, there is that feeling of negativity as well as positivity that circles around them. Some might even say that there are greener pastures that they can take and that they regret meeting the person they recently broke up with.
However, at some point, they will realize how valuable the person they left is and end up begging their ex to take them back. That’s why it does not come as a surprise when they do everything in their power to rekindle their love for each other.
More often than not, couples break up once and get back together as stronger individuals. Thus, this would mean that their relationship this time would be a lot stronger but before they do get back to feeling each other’s love and care, apologies should be made.
Men should always be the ones to ask for apologies from women so that women in turn would see the commitment and sincerity of the man. So if you want to make that perfect apology for your woman, here are some ways you can do it.
Don’t Be Too Cheesy, Take It Easy
There are times when men think too much about the words they choose when they make their speeches in front of women (apologies). Some succeed at it while some fail because they become too cheesy.
Women might want sweet words from men’s hearts when making their apologies but it’s the thought that counts in these situations.
Therefore, if you are planning to take your ex back with an apology, make sure not to sound too cheesy because the woman might think that you are not sincere.
Sincerity is another issue when it comes to apologies because some women have really high standards.
The best time for you to make the apology is when you mean it the most. Many immediately apologize after having a huge fight or a break up just for the sake of it. The next day, the woman finds out or the man realizes that it isn’t even sincere.
Hence, you should make the apology when you mean it so that both of you can feel each other’s sincerity.
Bring Some Flowers
The last thing to consider when you are making an apology is to bring flowers and chocolates.
Since time immemorial, women have always loved receiving flowers from their men. The flowers do not need to be the most expensive or the most beautiful; it is enough that they look presentable and most importantly, that they came straight from your heart.
Win back the love and care of your ex by making that perfect apology as soon as you can.
8. Learn To Let Go Of The Past
People tend to get so wrapped up in their past that moving forward is a daunting task. A wise man once said, “You have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else.” Truer words were never spoken.
It’s painful to one day find yourself alone and realize this when it’s too late.
The way a person deals with life in the present is a result of the life they once led in the past. This applies to relationships.
If you find yourself constantly going from one boyfriend/girlfriend to another, then it is likely that you are going about relationships all wrong. Most people who do not succeed in relationships are the ones who still cling to their past.
Let me give you an example.
You meet a person you have chemistry with.
You two start dating and decide to have a relationship. Once in a real relationship you start getting scared that what happened in your past will happen again. You might have been cheated on or lied to or was once abused.
For no apparent reason, none of that was given to you by the person you’re in a relationship now, you start having doubts. You start closing yourself off and putting up walls. You stop communicating.
This is the beginning of the end. You will slowly see the signs of your partner losing interest. The next thing you know, he/she is out the door.
The lesson here is simple:
Stop carrying around the all of that old baggage. It is unnecessary.
Stop with all of the regrets. Stop over thinking of all the pain you’ve had in the past. There’s a reason why it’s called the past. Do not let it affect the present nor the future.
Forgive yourself. Forgive the people who once hurt you. You can’t ever move on if you always feel that you will get hurt again.
Love is such a beautiful feeling. Missing out on it because you cannot let go of what once was is such a shame.
It’s okay to remember the bad and the good of the past but it’s not okay to still be bringing all of it with you. Acknowledge that you got hurt or that you hurt someone before. Accept it. There is no way to undo what has already been done.
So instead of holding on to that, release it. Take the time to work on yourself. Grieve if you have to. Cry if you need to. Get mad and lash out.
If it has to be done, then do it.
Release all of the negativity that is weighing you down. Release it in to the air and bid it good riddance. Allow yourself all of this because you deserve it. Everyone deserves to be happy. You and your partner included. If you are not happy with yourself, then you won’t be happy in the company of anyone else.
Remember, you are where you’re at now because that’s where you’re supposed to be. Looking back to the past is useless. Let go!
9. The Art Of Communication
Even when your relationship is over, it is still important to keep communication lines open with your ex, especially if there are children or properties involved
8 Important Tips That Will Improve Your Communication With Your Ex
Instead of concentrating on negative thoughts and mentally murdering your partner every single time you talk, you can follow the tips below to help make communicating with him or her easier and be more comfortable. It will make your life breezier, and less stressful.
Tip #1: Smile
This is not a joke. According to a number of studies, if you smile even when don’t feel happy, your mood is actually brightened and improved.
If you smile when talking to your ex, chances are, any heat in the situation will be diffused. In the past, warring tribes shake hands to show that no weapons were brought.
When you bring and wear a smile when you meet your ex, it will lighten up the situation and will make the conversation much easier.
Tip #2: Do Not Talk About Money
The cliché ‘Money is the root of all evil,’ is actually true in communicating with your ex, because it talks about money is the root of disagreements between couples.
Keep the conversation free of money, especially when talking about your properties and children. Topics such as payment disputes should be kept to a minimum, if not totally avoidable.
Tip #3: Do Not Engage
Do not take his or her bait. If disagreements cannot be helped, be smart enough to be aware that keeping your buttons covered so that he or she cannot push them will help in lowering stress levels. Do not engage.
Remember that the conversation you are having might not be a real one, but just a game of control. The only way that you can win is by not engaging at all.
Tip #4: Make Plans
Planning ahead and mentally rehearsing your issues will help you have a clearer conversation.
Create a script and boil it down to simple and concise requests or statements. This way, you can control the conversation and stay in focus.
Tip #5: Slow Down
You don’t have to count from 1 to 10, instead, train yourself to slow down your reactions.
It is typical in difficult situations to react with intentions to be physical and just cause him or her pain. But keep in mind that you are an adult, and you will never resort to a slug fest, so keep your hands right at your side.
Take a long second and breathe in and out, then allow yourself to think and let the reasonable part of your brain win.
Tip #6: Use Your Knowledge And Calculate
You used to be with this person day and night. You must know him or her like the back of your hand, at some point. You know what makes him tick.
Use this knowledge to work towards your advantage. Calculate your moves according to his responses, and what makes him rationally behave and become reasonable.
Do not use his weaknesses against him with intentions of putting him off and bringing him down; that would just aggravate the situation.
Tip #7: Forget The Past, Focus On The Future
Hashing over the past will make both of you lose, so forget about it.
You are in the present, and you have a future to think about. Each of you have your own versions of the past, and it will just dredge bad memories back up.
Do not rehash your problems, since there isn’t anything that you can do about it anymore but fix the errors and just move on.
Tip #8: Just Face The Undeniable Truths And Facts
Too many relationships fail and never get fixed because one or both parties fail to acknowledge and accept the facts involved.
If you want to get your ex back, then you must face the fact that you indeed love them and want them back. Then focus on it. Face the fact that you love them. Face the fact that you want your ex back.
When Is It Time To Let Them Go
Love is a very unique feeling, mostly because of its ability to inflict so much hurt when things don’t work out, especially between couples.
Many relationships fail, not because people do not harbor genuine feelings for each other, whatever the reason may be, moving on from someone you cared deeply for is not an easy process; it is one that gets more bearable with each passing day.
Changing Your Way Of Thinking
It is important to realize that you may still harbor feelings for this person making it difficult for you to let them go, which is logical considering that you have spent a lot of time with this person and in the process you trusted them with a huge portion of your heart.
Now that you have made a conscious decision to let them go, it is important to start changing your perspective on them, not what you wish them to be, but as the person they genuinely are.
For starters, if they deceived and lied to you or if they no longer have feelings for you; realize that such a relationship is not healthy in the least and you may end up feeling angry and misunderstood.
Forgetting your ex may be hard but it is not an impossible feat, after which you will be able to start healing and possibly even find someone new.
It is important to understand that letting go or moving does not necessarily mean that you should stop having feelings for this person.
You can still look out for your ex and sincerely wish them all the best that life has to offer.
Have faith in yourself because every individual has an unlimited potential, and love gives us the opportunity to do just that.
Life Goes On
In as much as you have been exclusive with one person for a very long time, making it seem like others do not exist, you should look at your surrounding and see that there are other people, it may take a while but you will eventually meet someone else.
Don’t we all wish that our lives would go according to how we planned it, but once in a while, life throws us a curve ball to shake things up a little; a breakup is one of them.
Statistics show that a lot of people date more than five people before they finally settle down, that’s at least 20% worth of golden opportunities to find your soul mate.
Be optimistic and try to look at the positive side of things since optimism results in a quick recovery, who knows, you may have been dating a constant nag and now you have finally gotten rid of them allowing you to find someone better.
Recover Your Independence
If you have the means and resources, you can take a trip someplace since a different scenery will help you feel refreshed.
Interact with other people so you distract yourself, you can share stories and engage in fun activities like going to parties or spending the day at the beach.
Set aside some alone time and encourage yourself to adapt an independent attitude because if you can’t appreciate your own company, no one else will.
Get Rid Of Sentimental Mementos
Get rid of all the sentimental stuff that reminds you of your ex from plain sight, this is essential in your quest to move on.
Remove all pictures, stuffed animals, movie stubs, and notes and put them away in storage, this process does hurt but it is also uplifting as well.
This does not necessarily mean that you destroy everything they have ever given to you because later on, you may want to keep all the mementos just to remember them by, and after you have moved on you can take them out and remember all the good times you had with them.